A post from Steve’s dad, Jerry Wolkoff

This past Sunday, June 21st was the 1st anniversary of Steven’s death. It was a particularly painful day for my whole family, and our agony will continue forever. It was also the first day of summer, a time of the year that Steven loved and will never experience again. We all miss him every day, and I just will never understand, why him? I cannot comprehend that he is gone and while our vivid memories of Steven are truly a gift, we miss him beyond comprehension. Please continue to remember Steven forever.

This says it All about Steven and My Feelings!

Dirge Without Music

By Edna St. Vincent Millay

I am not resigned to the shutting away of loving hearts in the hard ground.

So it is, and so it will be, for so it has been, time out of mind:

Into the darkness they go, the wise and the lovely. Crowned

With lilies and with laurel they go; but I am not resigned.

Lovers and thinkers, into the earth with you.

Be one with the dull, the indiscriminate dust.

A fragment of what you felt, of what you knew,

A formula, a phrase remains — but the best is lost.

The answers quick and keen, the honest look, the laughter, the love, They are gone. They have gone to feed the roses. Elegant and curled Is the blossom. Fragrant is the blossom. I know. But I do not approve.

More precious was the light in your eyes than all the roses in the world.

Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;

Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.

I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.

Hi all – Cindy asked me to post this for her.

–

10 years ago today Steve and I shared our first kiss. Steve was my everything. My days began to the sound of his daily greeting of “good morning beautiful” and ended with me drifting off to sleep safe and warm in his arms.

I have this clear image of he and I the day before the accident, stomping down the 21st hill, hand in hand. Our gaze falls on each other as we both break into these smiles so big it feels as if our cheeks could burst and exclaim “we are SO lucky”. I still hold the feeling in my heart that I had at that moment, the love is still there.

Steve was the kind of man who’s existence gave reassurance to others that where were in fact good people out there. He was the Man many dreamed of finding and i was still amazed he was all mine.
When I first met Steve I was drawn to him because he seemed to be the most amazing person i had ever met.  He remains that, the most amazing person I’ve ever met, and every year i would remind him of that on this day. The love we had didn’t need to be explained or spelled out, it simply radiated.
Our love was inspiring, most importantly to ourselves.

Steve challenged me to be the best I could. He could not have been prouder or have loved me more.
With Steve in my heart I knew i could do anything, i knew i was beautiful.

This love that remains in my heart propells me through this.

Steve and I built the most amazing family over the past 10 years and I have to say thank you to all. The love and support you all have shown is what has kept me going. Well the love, support and tales of Steve, those help too.The visits, phone calls, packages and emails remind me that you all are still there, waiting to continue on with me. Thank You.

As for my recovery Steve would be proud, in usual Cindy fashion I’m ahead of the curve, driven to push myself and mainly using my walker to get around. Being upright gives everything a whole new perspective for the new chapter that lies ahead.

Happy Anniversary Baby, all my love-c

Tomorrow is Cindy’s 30th birthday. It’s been almost 8 weeks since the accident. Cindy has come a long way.

Yesterday’s doctor visit went very well. Her cast was replaced with another (4th? 5th?) cast and the doctor liked what she saw. Cindy won’t be able to put any pressure on her foot for another 6 weeks, but every day is one day closer to walking.

Tragedy has a way of bringing out the best in people — tenderness, thoughtfulness — all of those inborn tendencies that are so easily suppressed by almost anything, from daily inconveniences to the tautness of our schedules. It can be really hard to slow down, soften up, and appreciate the many good fortunes in our lives. Being here with Cindy the past few weeks has been, among many other things, a great reminder. While living next door to Steve and Cindy I became enchanted by their love affair. As I’ve said before, to me it was the model of a what a relationship at its very best could be. And now, being here in this apartment with Cindy, I’m reminded of why Steve loved her so much: because she’s Cindy. Sweet, lovable Cindy. That’s why she has so much support right now, and that’s why she’ll be OK.

Schan’s friend Henry sent the first season of a show with a note that read: “Here’s to the second season of your life.” Happy birthday Cindy. I loved you in the first season, and have a lot of faith in season two.

Tomorrow, August 15th, is Cindy’s birthday! Best wishes and many happy returns, girlie. We love you soooo much!

I’ve been listening to the same songs on repeat most of the time I’ve been here. It’s kind of a sad, wistful playlist – my specialty!

However, if you listen to no other song in your life, listen to Lush Life, with Coltrane and Johnny Hartman. Oh, and the R. Kelly/Broken Social Scene mashup that Steve sent to Howie. Have a listen.

I love y’all. See you on the flip.

via Langley:

This could definitely be the year.  Team Wolkoff won our first game last week  18 – 3.  As a tribute to Steve, we left third base (the position he usually played) vacant for the first pitch of the game.

This was posted last month by Steve’s friend Glenda…

June 30th, 2008

A good friend and colleague of mine passed away last weekend in an incredibly tragic car accident. In an effort to both honor the memory of my friend Steve, and for me to personally cope, I’ve started this particular post at least a hundred times in my head. As result, I have composed a number of drafts of story after story about him, and all of the memories are great and good, and make me laugh. But none of those drafted posts truly convey the enormity of what I have felt over the past seven days. I seriously doubt that they ever will, and no matter how many times I type this, it will never come out right or be to my own satisfaction. I have to accept this, and just write it all out as best I can.

Below is my favorite picture of Steve, with his former bandmates from Exit Ocean. I took it at one of my favorite bars in New York City — Siberia — which no longer exists. Yes, you will notice that Saturday Night Live’s Jimmy Fallon is in the shot. Exit Ocean played that night at Siberia, and apparently Jimmy Fallon and Russell Crowe showed up (although we didn’t end up running into Russell Crowe). I think we all couldn’t stop talking about it at work or while hanging out with common friends in Williamsburg for what seemed like a month, but that was a fun time.

Left to right: Steve, Brad, Jimmy Fallon, Jon, and Chris

Following in line with my speechlessness, I’m directly taken back to a particular conversation with Steve from about seven years ago while we were working together, in which we debated brevity (his preferred methodology) over (my particularly exhausting) long-windedness (which is actually in my opinion my being “thorough”, but I digress). He used to tell me that “everyone needs an editor,” and was absolutely convinced that I should describe things “using the least possible words.” I laughed, because I’m usually anything but short. My counterpoint was that if you turn on the internal editor while you’re writing, you tend to lose the initial thought, idea, or feeling that was truest to the moment. This week has been no exception as I’ve been reflecting quite a bit, and I find myself putting into practice something he had said to me long ago. Of course, I learned this from Steve — I think being concise is cosmically appropriate to the situation somehow.

We challenged, sparred, bantered and joked on silly topics such as these occasionally while we were at work. Mostly, this would happen over IM while we were sitting in the same room — Steve used to have a pretty ridiculous chat icon that had an AOL IM buddy guy dressed like a gangsta rapper on it, that had big gold chains with gaudy, animated diamonds that would blink every couple of seconds, and it said (oh so eloquently) “Bling Bling.” It was because of this I remember always calling him “Steve to the Izzo” — he even used to say “BLING BLLLANNNG!!!” and then flash some Strong Island gang sign of some sort at me. He was anything BUT gangsta, which is why I found it so hysterical. I still laugh everytime I think about this.

It was funny to us how, as two English majors from the same university, who graduated a year apart (and had a lot of the same overlapping friend set), we had ended up working in the same industry on the same project at the same company. (And years later, we both ended up in San Francisco having moved months apart, doing Product Management in the same sector of technology.) I feel very fortunate to have met him and known him in different capacities. Given all the similarities between our backgrounds, it was really impossible for Steve and I to have not to have become friends within this lifetime, and I am grateful for that.

I also find it fitting that the Mets came out on top this weekend while playing the Yankees — Steve loved to talk smack with me about baseball, particularly when it came to any Subway Series and the Mets and Yankees crosstown rivalry. I know he is laughing and poking fun at me right now.

Steve’s colleagues set up a blog for him on WordPress.com the next day, after the accident. Upon seeing this, I decided to call in a favor. As a result, upgrades on the blog have been waived, and the domain http://stevewolkoff.com has been purchased and mapped to the blog. It is my hope that not only Steve’s name live on through this gift, but that it enables others to find the Foundation set up for him easily, and to express and communicate their feelings on how he touched all of our lives in many amazing and profound ways. I hope to relinquish the domain registration to his family in the near future.

To the Wolkoff family I offer my deepest and most heartfelt condolences, and for Cindy, I wish not only a speedy recovery, but peace and healing in both mind and spirit.

Rest in peace, Steve. I will miss you.

One of my favorites … The pic above was taken on a recent weekend trip to Stinson Beach that Cindy and Steve planned for some of their friends.

There was a lot of uncontrollable laughter throughout the weekend. The crab imitation game (pictured below) was completely unplanned. I guess each person has their own unique method of crab impersonation. Thankfully, there are no photos of my fearful look from when Cindy was chasing me around trying to touch me with a monster stalk of seaweed.

hello, my lovelies:

A personal note, but one from the heart.

I am -so- happy to be in San Francisco (and lucky to get to be here through my work folks, who loved Steve and Cindy both) and get the chance to see Cindy. I am so proud of her for everything she’s gone through and still has her positivity

She and Steve have – yep, have – a love that is just so powerful that it knocks me sideways, even through all of this. For every tough time, for every crappy hour, there’s a wonderful memory – however small, however silly, however lovely, of the two of them getting to do something wonderful, interesting, amazing – but always together. Every memory for me here in this place we all lived, where we were down-the-street neighbors or far away, each corner and nook and cranny and moment I spent here has at its heart: the two of them. I feel so deeply honored to be a part of their lives, and of Cindy’s recovery process. She is hurting in every way that you can imagine and then some, but she is just so damn brave. How many of us would just give up? Not our girl. Not Steve’s girl.

Every one of you feels this loss in a different way, but she knows your thoughts are with her, and your support, and it means the world to everyone. I know Steve is here, watching over her, making sure we don’t take it all too seriously, making a joke, shaking his head (with that smile) at all of us.

Suffering and death are a part of the human contract – but so are hope, love and life. And all my love to all of you reading this.

The last time I saw Steven & Cindy was when he and Cindy visited me in December for their annual holiday trip to NY. They soon left to visit friends and stay with them . Steven decided to come back a few days later to spend some extra time with me and he took the train to Wantagh where I picked him up-

I had another special thing I always do with my 3 kids when they leave my house to go on with their lives. I said good bye to Steven when he left and I kissed , hugged him and told him how much I loved him and how proud I was of him and to be careful in the”big city”. But I always make up an excuse to then kiss, hug my kids a second time, and I got that second kiss, hug with Steven. I even got in another “I love you Steven and a I love you too dad” between us-

You see I always thought that in case something happened to me I would always have that second hug, kiss, and words for my last physical contact. Never did I consider or think that he would die before me and that this was in fact our last physical touch. It was his last time with me , go figure , who would have ever thought that- It is something I just thought about and wanted to share-Very painful but grateful that we had that moment- Jerry Wolkoff

A lot of folks have been asking how Cindy is, of course! The short story is she’s on the mend. The day-to-day of recovery is -really- exhausting though, so if she has not responded to your emails/phone calls, please be patient. Recovery is the focus and she knows she has a lot of support. She will reach out to her friends when she is ready.

Update to the update – here in San Francisco with Cindy and she sends all her love to everyone.

My favorite picture

Steve, Jessica and Matt

Steven happy tongue

Steven Reading the NY TIMES and So Cool

Steve, Jessica and Matt

Steven eating and sleeping – Multi tasking

Steven and Mom

Steven

Steven

Steven

I haven’t got the official files for this yet, but you can click through to see a great photo/video of Steve and Cindy via her stepmom.

(It should let you view without signup, let me know in the comments if it doesn’t.)

Steve’s sister Jessica directed me to this photo on Steve’s Flickr page — it’s one of her favorites. Above the photo Steve had written “The Journey Begins.” Below, he’d added: The inscription is a quote from Chairman Mao, and reads (loosely): “When you climb the wall, you will be a true man”.

Steve in China -- August, 2007

  REST IN PEACE MY BEAUTIFUL STEVEN-1977- 2008-I WILL MISS YOU FOREVER.

Your life has been about making the world a better place for everyone- You also knew more than most people about the technology of Rich Streaming Media- and that was your profession.

We will miss you, we pray for your soul, we have thought about you, and we pray for Cindy to get well.

Life is so unfair, but you lived it with a smile and made the world a better place-You were a giver and not a taker. You taught yourself evrything about technology without ever going to school for it- You were a man , like me who was self made and cared about others- You didn’t need an ego, it was all about you teaching others, creating technology and yes sometimes being into hacking or geek stuff. You never playing games of trying to bullshit people- I am so proud of you and have always told you that- I always told you how much I loved you.

My heart is broken forever and my pain will never go away- You are in every part of my body and mind forever- RIP my beloved son, Rest in peace-Love- Dad

Hi Jerry,
Thank you so much for your kind words.  I continue putting my heart into
getting to know Steven; from a global, macro perspective: his talents,
the time line of his life, his time at Albany (where I went to grad
school), the indie rock bands he gigged with (total music head here),
his pitch perfect ability as a bassist, the connections he had, Adobe,
Flicker etc, his beautiful relationship with Cindy, the effect he had on
coworkers, friends, his grin, his intellect, his righteous sweetness. 
Amazing!!!  I can only imagine the pleasure he brought you and Sandy. 
It makes me think about how lucky he was to have such great role models
in his life.  Jerry in a way, you have become a role model for me.  The
courage, wisdom, and expression of your interest in the world, and what
is RIGHT, seem natural and second nature for you.  You came of age in a
generation where meaning was redefined, and ways of connecting were
opening up.  You have stayed true to these values. When you began
writing on the Wel-Met website, I realized you are a guy who cares,
really cares.  I felt in those writings, your instincts to nurture and
protect, and to promote healthy growth.  It was healing for me to read
your posts,  I felt cared about by you.  And this is what I want to give
back.  On an abstract and personal level, I am taking in the life of
Steven, both the beauty, and the painful devastation.  And for me, it
is  worth this  investment of heart soul and time into you and your
family.  You did that for us.  And even though the world is a crazy ugly
place at times, some simple principles still exist.  And I for one, join
with you in pushing for honesty, rawness, and realness.  You are a gem.
My attempt to turn the written words, blogs, and articles into a 3
dimensional experience is motivated by the depth of feeling that both
you and Steven have elicited in me,  The common thread I believe are the
values shared by me, by you, and without sounding grandiose, by Steven
too.  He is a tough act to compare myself too, and I do so modestly. 
And through reading the BARF blogs, the South Bay blogs, and San Mateo
news articles, I also learn about a different part of Stevens life, his
last moments.  I am grateful that others too, maintain simple values
that have at their root, caring, honesty, compassion.  I believe that
Steven was comforted by those amazing people who happened on the scene. 
And somehow, I need and want to believe that I too am comforting him in
some way.
I am here, involved, and will continue to try and understand.  Please
feel free to share this.
Love,
Ken Appelbaum

If anyone wants to download  their picture, or make a screensaver/wallpaper , or just get a photo for themselves I have posted their famous picture at the following link

http://freespace.virgin.net/pete.owles/steven%20and%20Cindy.jpg

Jerry Wolkoff

The Wolkoff Clan

Matt's graduation

C & S